Feature Image by Romeo Varga on Unsplash
What comes to mind when you hear the apocalypse? Popular movies like World War Z, I Am Legend, Zombieland, Bird Box, A Quiet Place, or the more recent Don’t Look Up spring to mind.
The early 2000s and 2010s overdid the apocalypse/dystopian genre until we couldn’t stand them anymore. But it’s still one of my favorite genres. They’re fun. Sue me. I jokingly tell my friends and family that the world should just end at least five times or more every month. The state of the country/world isn’t for the faint of heart.
The apocalypse is a fascinating subject that evolves from religious scenarios (the book of Revelations) to science fiction. The latter usually involves the human race as the main culprit in ending the world by either starting another nuclear world war, unleashing a deadly virus (zombie apocalypse), or destroying the living environment with a toxin.
Since I’ve always loved apocalyptic/end-of-the-world movies, I’ve often wondered which tropes me and my friends would fall under if we found ourselves in an apocalypse-type situation, be it of the zombie or nuke variation.
I think highly enough of myself to believe I won’t be one of those who’d die within the first few minutes of the movie. I’d definitely be a final girl. I mean, I don’t take stupid risks, so I’ll be pretty safe in our underground bunker or hideout. And maybe when I get bored enough, I’ll join the hunting group to explore the new world.
But I’m no hero, so I definitely won’t be doing any heroic shit.
So, without further ado, let’s place some of my closest friends into different character tropes in my apocalyptic scenario.
Peace
My girl Peace, the lovable, free-spirited (tree-hugging) child that she is, would probably get bitten by a zombie after she tried to hug a friend she had no idea was bitten. She’d be optimistic enough to believe we’d find a cure within the first ten days of the apocalypse.
And if, by some miracle, she survives and makes it to the end of the movie, she’d probably sacrifice herself to save our lives. To find purpose, yunno.
Before her tragic death, she’d be the team’s medic, along with Uche, and save our asses.
Nyero (Gibby)
Gibby would be the character who’d rather die than endure the apocalypse (he has the right idea). And if he manages to join us on our survival quest, he’ll get distracted by a hot woman who’ll lead him to his downfall within the first 30 minutes of the movie. He’d die happily with a smile on his face.
But then again, Gibby could surprise us all and be the goofy underdog that survives anyway, against all the obvious odds, because of all the wrong choices he’s making. He’d be the character you root for despite everything.
Nkem (Dini)
Nkem would always have guidelines on the dos and don’ts of not becoming zombie chowder. She’s a survivor, and she’d do anything to stay safe, even if it meant kicking some people who broke the rules to the curb.
When the initial chaos starts after the world ends, she’ll loot supermarkets and stores to stock up on the necessary supplies to survive. She may join us in our bunker or decide to find one of her own and relax there to avoid unnecessary disruptions.
Ida
Idaho is the glue of the group, and he’s also muscle and occasional comic relief. He will be outside the bunker a lot, helping people get in or going on missions with people to get supplies or find a cure.
I’d be sticking with him because he will already have an apocalypse kit before the apocalypse even starts. Ida always has plans. He’d be pivotal to finding a safe and strategic hiding location. He’d also plan shifts and night watches to ensure our bunker remains safe from external threats.
Bobby
Bobby is the movie’s nice guy. He’s headstrong and sweet, so he’d probably die trying to do the right thing at the movie’s halfway point. Then we’d spend the next few minutes avenging his death.
He’d also be the voice of reason, trying to prevent us from becoming chaotic. And the fixer, helping us with bunker maintenance and other stuff.
In an alternate version, one daughter of Eve would corrupt Bobby, and he’d ditch us and go live with her instead.
Denessa
People would underestimate Dee, but she’ll shock everyone. She’d probably meet one son of Adam when the apocalypse started, and she’d ditch us to follow him to his underground bunker, ignoring all our earlier plans to stick together.
But, then, she’d show up just when we needed her the most to join in a final battle or something. Don’t ask me how she’d know exactly when to show up (it’s movie logic).
Uche
Sad to say this, but our dearest Uche will, unfortunately, die while helping others, most likely a woman. (Even better if there’s a child around). He’d sacrifice himself for the greater good, leaving us without our medic and healer. We’d mourn Uche. His absence would be felt intensely, especially when people start dying from treatable illnesses.
Wale (The Tyrant)
He’d probably try to learn the aliens’ language or history or something to try and outsmart them and almost get killed in the process. Yeah, he’d try to coordinate everyone and ensure things went according to plan. So he’d always have weird survival tips. But he’d be a pivotal part of our survival. He’s the glue that keeps the group together through the crazy. He’d make sacrifices, sometimes at his expense.
Wale would be trying to form some kind of order and keep us sane until one of the zombies or aliens got to him. And he’d attempt to hold them back while we escape.
Chika (Mamma Bear)
Chika will most likely survive the apocalypse. She’d be the calm head amidst the chaos and confusion of the first few hours of the apocalypse. She may join us at our bunker or start her own colony somewhere else if our space is not conducive enough for her (or if she’s beefing someone there). Instead of making us pick sides, she’d simply leave and find a new place, taking some followers with her.
She’d also be the self-appointed chef. Chika would manage the rations and maniacally stretch them so they would last us longer.
George (The Know-It-All)
George, like Nkem, would have guidelines for surviving the apocalypse. He’d have a full-on list of the different zombie/alien species, edible herbs, and poisonous plants. He might even write a guide to surviving the apocalypse.
Curious George would probably get bitten by zombies within days. It’ll happen when he goes out with Ida and the hunting party to gather supplies. Or George would get the brilliant idea to catch one of the zombies and bring it back to camp so we could experiment on it. He’d endanger everyone’s lives, causing Nkem to leave in self-preservation. Uche and Ida would attempt to help him, with Ida trying to find a safer approach.
Shout out to Peace and Ida for helping flesh out this drunken idea and to TikTok AI for the images. It was fun writing this piece.
