At the center of every disaster and heartbreak in Mystic Falls stands Elena Gilbert, a character who resists simple labels of hero or villain. Her humanity, mistakes, and personal growth continually fuel debate in the fandom.
She was a little more ordinary yet, for some reason, harder to forgive: a human being learning, fumbling, hurting, and changing in real time.
From the very beginning, when Elena tried to smile through unbearable grief, it was clear she wasn’t the typical supernatural heroine. She frequently faced confusing choices and loved boldly, sometimes even recklessly. These qualities immediately set her apart from the archetype.
Elena wanted to protect everyone, but she often hurt them in the process. The changes in her personality are at the heart of ongoing discussions, fueling the question: Is she self-centred, chaos-prone, or evolving as anyone might under impossible pressure?
Depending on the lens we use, Elena Gilbert becomes a different version of herself, which may explain why fans are still arguing about her years after the show ended.
There are many examples for those who argue that Elena was selfish. This isn’t about bias or dislike; it’s about recognizing patterns in her behavior, such as the love triangle with the Salvatore brothers.
Although she met Damon first (a memory he erased and she regained as a vampire), this doesn’t explain her behavior toward the brothers. She would commit to Stefan, then reconsider due to her feelings for Damon. Her hesitations and frequent “I don’t know yet” answers kept both brothers emotionally connected.
Elena may not have meant to manipulate, but her indecision served her own comfort. She didn’t want to lose Stefan’s steadiness or Damon’s intensity, leading both brothers to fight for her while she remained in the middle, torn but still benefiting from their devotion.
Also, in season 2, Caroline was turned into a vampire. She wakes up terrified, confused, fighting urges she never asked for, and Elena’s first reaction is her own panic, guilt, and grief about what this means for her life now that vampires are all around her. She barely pauses to ask Caroline how she feels about becoming this new creature that will change her life forever. Caroline, the girl who just turned into a vampire, ends up comforting Elena.
In season 4, Elena Gilbert pursued the cure as if her life depended on it. Her desire to become human is understandable. She never asked to be turned and often expressed hatred for her vampiric life, but she didn’t pause to consider the cost.
For instance, Elena suggested Jeremy kill Kol, knowing Kol’s death would activate the Hunter’s Mark and speed up access to the cure.
She understood that killing Kol could wipe out his entire sire line, potentially destroying thousands of vampires. Elena’s willingness to make that choice shows a ruthless streak: she prioritized her own mortality over nearly everything else.
At times, Elena acted on emotion before logic. When Jeremy died, she shut off her humanity, without considering the effects on others. It was understandable on an emotional level, but it led to tough fallout.
She burned her house down, lashed out at her friends, and drained a waitress in public, saying some of the most hurtful things to the people who loved her. The worst part is not just what she did, but how she left everyone else to carry the damage.
Her friends begged her to come back, fought her, and tried to restrain her, but it was futile. She felt nothing, and they felt everything. It was a tough time because her self-protective instincts ignored how much pain she pushed onto others.
Elena Gilbert’s moral compass occasionally spins like a malfunctioning compass in the Bermuda Triangle. She calls out Damon for killing people, yet accepts it when it benefits her or the people she cares about. She judges Caroline for her emotional choices, yet expects grace when she spirals. And the worst part is that the pattern is subtle. She doesn’t set out to be hypocritical. It just happens because her emotions outweigh her logic.
Elena wanted to save everyone. Though noble in theory, in practice it often led to trouble. Without considering consequences, she would defend others, promise safety she could not guarantee, or plead for mercy for a betraying party, which created complications for everyone.
For example, she insisted on helping Rebekah and maintained an emotional connection to Elijah. Or she protected Bonnie, even against Bonnie’s wishes to be left alone. Although her choices came from love, they caused unintended complications. Elena’s efforts to put out old fires constantly created new ones.
Characters like Katherine, Elijah, and even Klaus sometimes knew exactly which strings to pull. Elena’s trust made her vulnerable. As a result, vulnerability made her predictable, and that predictability put everyone else at risk.
Sometimes, would hand over a dagger, reveal secrets, or walk into negotiations expecting to talk her way out, only to be used as leverage. Each time this happened, the group rushed to save her, reinforcing a recurring pattern: she was a well-intentioned, messy, and complicated human being.
Now that we’ve looked at the case for her being selfish and problematic, it wouldn’t be fair to stop there. It’s time we see the other side.
Elena’s compassion was genuine and defining. She tried to help everyone, even at her own expense. For example, supporting Caroline through her vampire transition, even though she didn’t understand the process herself. Elena consistently chose empathy over fear.
This drive stemmed from losing her parents, fueling her belief that everyone could be protected. It became her mission. Her efforts weren’t perfect, but were always sincere. For instance, she risked her life so Elijah Mikaelson would uphold a deal, or demanded Stefan save Matt Donovan first, resulting in her own vampirism.
Before supernatural complications, Elena was a regular girl reeling from her parents’ tragic death. In season one, she worked to rebuild her life. Every choice was shaped by grief and by her desire to support loved ones through her own darkness.
Each season brought more loss: Aunt Jenna, Alaric, friends, even her own humanity. Elena experienced grief as humans do—anger, detachment, denial, and eventually acceptance. These stages forced personal growth, sometimes beautifully, sometimes destructively, and made her mature quickly for Jeremy’s sake.
As a human, Elena Gilbert struggled with the idea of becoming a vampire because she wanted a normal life. But after transitioning, she became more authentic, her emotions intensified, her instincts changed, and her boundaries blurred. She didn’t wake up as the same girl, and she didn’t have the luxury of learning slowly. Everything came fast and demanded immediate adaptation.
Even when she made terrible choices, they always had the texture of someone learning on the spot. Later on, she came to accept her circumstances, making her own choices and standing by them, even if it meant being perceived as “selfish” by others at times.
Her ultimate evolution comes when she fulfills her ambition to attend medical school and become a doctor, building a happy, normal life with Damon after regaining her humanity. This trajectory demonstrates a full-circle return to her grounded, compassionate human self, but with the added strength and wisdom gained from her supernatural experiences.
Elena Gilbert is an enigma: selfish, problematic, compassionate, and ultimately evolving in the ways that matter. She frustrates people because she reflects real human interactions filled with disappointment, surprises, exhaustion, and the questions of “what ifs”.
She never needed to be perfect. She only needed to be herself. And for better or worse, she usually was.
