The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta

It was clear that sons were currency, and only those blessed with them would be supported and listened to.

God, when will you create a woman who will be fulfilled in herself, a full human being, not anybody’s appendage? She prayed desperately.’

I don’t know about you, but this book’s appropriate title should have been The Sorrows of Motherhood.

Synopsis

Shamed for not being able to give birth in her first marriage and cruelly returned to her father’s house, Nnu Ego was sent to an alien town to a man she would never have married willingly if he had come himself to ask for her hand in marriage.

By a miracle, she finally got the longed-for child she had prayed earnestly for only to lose the child. It was enough to make her want to jump off a bridge, and why wouldn’t she?

Society had turned her identity into one that could only be fulfilled when she was married and had given birth to a child. Not just any child but a male child to carry on the man’s legacy and lineage. Only then was she worthy of respect and adoration.

Take Adaku, for example( one of the wives Nnaife inherited). Even when Nnu Ego was wrong for being rude to Adaku’s cousin, the men sided with her and insulted Adaku because she had not given birth to a male son for the family.

It was clear that sons were currency, and only those blessed with them would be supported and listened to.

Thoughts

The lack of family planning always bewildered me. I could understand the first four children because of the fear that one could die or something else could happen, but having so many children and living in such a small room was nothing but a disaster waiting to be unleashed.

This is one of the reasons Nnu Ego went through so much hardship that even the little money they had could not go around. Sending the children to school became a recurring issue, especially for the girls. The girls had to forfeit their education so that the boys could be educated, and as Kenny said, it wasn’t fair.

I understand that that was the reality of the times, but a little family and financial planning would have shelved half her suffering and prolonged her life.

If they had lived in Ogboli, the fate that awaited Nnuego might not have occurred. Eventually, some of her children left to fend for themselves, refusing to enter the endless circle of poverty they were born into.

If anything, I preferred the life of her mother, Ona. Her story had that beautiful glow to it that Nnu Ego lacked: her father’s backing, her lover’s love, the people’s warmth, and economic stability. It would be unfair to compare them as they lived in different times but Ona had a better life.

Nnaife didn’t help matters either. Although he had stayed in Lagos longer, he didn’t consider the changes to be made. Instead, he went on impregnating his wives as if he was in the village where a relative would have supplied help if things got tough; even going ahead to marry a new wife.

He more or less allowed Nnu Ego to do all the work while he continued to enjoy his traditional role in a changing world that required that both partners get their heads together. It was not the fault of the children for being born. Instead, his own folly led to his imprisonment and exile.

Thankfully, she had women and even men although few who supported and helped her make some significant decisions. People like Nwakusor, Iyawo Itsekiri, and Mama Abby helped her make progress when the going was tough.

Do you want a glimpse into Nigeria before and after the Second World War? Read this! Although this is a work of fiction, this was the reality for many families during that era. The book is emotional, and it deserves the five stars I gave.