I am writing this review as a Ghanaian black woman who resonates with the struggles of Tayari’s main characters. I may not have married, but I understand the dynamics of Roy and Celestia’s relationship as I was in such a situation not too long ago.
I am going to write this review as though I were telling my story.
First, An American Marriage is a very beautiful book. Of late, I have used the word beautiful to describe good films and great books. I loved the writing style, as she managed to pull off three POVs and still make sense, producing a unified story that is commendable.
The characters seem to have been carefully thought of to every detail, including their heads’ hair. Regardless of how minor a character was, like Andre’s stepmom, she was carefully thought of. Every detail written tickled the imagination, reflecting whom the author wanted us to see, even if it were for a second in a sentence.
I loved the writing style. I loved the manner it was written; the letters were simple yet powerful in words. It touched me, resonated in me, eliciting the emotion Tayari surely sought after.
Roy is a black man who was found at the wrong place at the wrong time. A victim of circumstance. A man with a thriving future, his only crime wasn’t being in the hotel, nor was it being in the wrong place at the wrong time. His only crime was being BLACK.
With him wrongfully accused and in prison, he had to live his marriage in prison; be a married man in prison. Be a husband to Celestia from the four walls of a prison yard.
On the other hand, Celestia was also a wife whose marriage was reduced to occasional visits to the prison and a few hours of talk with her husband Roy. I understood Celestia’s trying. I could understand and sympathize with her situation, at least until the point where she decided not to be a wife to an incarcerated man. Don’t get me wrong. I understood her decision. That was a brave thing to do, to think about yourself and place yourself above anyone else.
But then again, doesn’t marriage negate that clause of individuality?
I didn’t particularly appreciate that she made it come off as though she was doing their marriage a favor like it wasn’t marriage, and his incarceration just worsened it. I felt that decision wasn’t her decision to make alone. It wasn’t. She should have just gone ahead to tell him that she didn’t love him in the way a wife should love a husband and not make him feel like she was living because he was in prison. It’s like saying I am with you in better and not worse ( which is something I would do)
Roy was angry, and I understood his outrage. He wasn’t looking for an ally or a sister from Celestia. All he wanted was a wife.
It reminds me of a young man who once promised forever. He had been so consistent and intense in his promises of forever that I believed it, latched onto it, breathed it, and looked forward to it.
You can imagine how I felt when I received the text message saying he couldn’t be there as a partner but wanted to be there for me as a friend. Now you understand why I empathize with Roy so much. I may not have been in prison for a crime I didn’t commit, but I was in my own prison. I was bound by an ailment I did not ask for, I was in my own prison and I was losing everything, my job, my source of income, my lifestyle, and above all myself because I was ill. So believe me when I say I did understand Roy.
Like Roy, I saw a different human being in the months preceding the break-up. It was like he was there but wasn’t there. I’d be looking at him and be looking for him at the same time. He had left long before he sent that text message, just like how Celestia had left long before she sent those letters.
“But what was I supposed to do? I work crazy hours at the shop, then i drive for hours to get to Louisiana and spend the night with his parents who don’t even like me…”
Celestia’s excuse was her career. How she worked long and hard hours and didn’t have the energy to be a wife to a husband in absentia. If we wanted to be honest here, it wasn’t all that. Her reason was because of Andre, and it was Andre from day one. If she hadn’t been with Andre she would have been content being Roy’s wife from outside the prison, Andre was the push, but her work was the excuse.
It is not bad to want true and pure love and connection, but it is wrong to shroud it, dress it up, package it, and gift it to your partner as something else. It was how he treated me. He said he needed to find himself, I wondered if he was missing before or we were playing temple run. I was convinced there was someone in the picture, why not tell me? Why cover it and lie to my face?
This was exactly what Celestia did. Andre was there. He was present. Celestia wanted to be with him.
How do you tell a man you love him and leave him at the same time, telling him it is for your good. This begs the question: should we hold our partners accountable for their words?
How do you individually decide what is best for a team without consulting the other teammate?
Is that morally justified?
How do you move from I don’t want to be your lover to can we be friends?
Friends???
NB: Abuse is a peculiar case, and you don’t need to talk to your partner before you leave. You just leave.
Did Celestia know how to be an ally/sister to Roy?
Roy comes out and finds out that his wife is with another man, his friend, her childhood friend.
He desperately hangs unto hope, the hope that Celestia will take him back. He begged Celestia to let him forgive her only if she asked, and No, she wasn’t ready to. It was a lost battle
“No,” I said. “I forgive you. I forgive you for everything.”
“It’s not true,” she said again.
“Please,” I said. “Let me forgive you.”
This line broke my heart. Roy was so vulnerable and wanted his old life back that he begged Celestia to let him forgive her.
In the end, Roy tried. Celestia tried
Things don’t just go to an automatic start just because we want them to, and our lives are not bound to each other, just like Roy and Celestia, who already had a frail marriage before the incarceration. Everyone deserves happiness, and Celestia teaches us to always choose ourselves first at all times.
In the end, we agree and accept that the marriage was stillborn. It was long dead before it started.
Some things are not meant to stay, and life happens in the most unlikely situations. The desperation of normalcy and stability often clouds our judgments. Roy needed to see that he and Celestia could only be friends. I liked that they all found happiness with other people.
My favorite part of this book is Celestia’s letters to Roy. I loved the structure, and above all, I liked the way Tayari managed to talk about racism, classism even in black communities, family, loss, grief, marriage in a way that did not make the story all over the place.
Tayari didn’t just give us a story, she gave us REALITY, and yes I highly recommend this book.
